“Let’s negotiate over who gets the last donut.”

President Donald Trump announced he will soon meet with Russian President Vladimir Putin to discuss a potential peace deal aimed at ending the ongoing war in Ukraine. Trump previewed the terms of this agreement during a statement on Friday.

Source: Trump says he’ll soon meet with Putin (cnn.com)

“I bet heaven's cable is out of this world.”

Jim Lovell, the renowned astronaut who commanded the Apollo 13 mission, has passed away at the age of 97 in Illinois. He was a veteran of four spaceflights, including Gemini VII, Gemini XII, and Apollo 8, and is remembered for his contributions to space exploration.

Source: Astronaut Jim Lovell, famed Apollo 13 commander, dies at 97 (nbcnews.com)

“Even our band doesn't have enough tubas.”

The Trump administration has suggested a $1 billion settlement with UCLA, which could significantly impact the university's finances, according to school officials. This proposal is part of a broader dispute regarding federal funding for educational institutions.

Source: Trump administration proposes $1 billion settlement with UCLA (nbcnews.com)

“Is checkmate covered under 'special relationship' insurance?”

The US ambassador to Israel has criticized UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer for his reaction to Israel's military takeover plan in Gaza City. The comments come amid ongoing tensions and differing views on the conflict, highlighting the complexities of international diplomacy.

Source: US ambassador to Israel says UK would have lost WW2 with Starmer as leader (bbc.com)

“Even justice needs a second opinion sometimes.”

The U.S. Department of Justice has initiated a federal grand jury investigation into New York Attorney General Letitia James. This follows her prosecution of former President Trump and his businesses over fraud allegations, which resulted in significant fines. Her attorney claims the investigation undermines the rule of law.

Source: Justice Department launches grand jury probe of Letitia James : NPR (npr.org)

“What if we just offered them candy?”

President Trump has instructed the Pentagon to develop military strategies for potential action against drug cartels that have been classified as terrorist organizations. Officials noted that any military deployment is not expected to happen imminently.

Source: Trump directs Pentagon to prepare options to use against drug cartels designated terrorist organizations (abcnews.go.com)

“When did Mount Rushmore get a makeup crew?”

The animated series South Park appears to have addressed Kristi Noem's recent criticism following a spoof of her character. In the latest episode, Noem is depicted as overly focused on her appearance, accompanied by a glam team, highlighting the show's satirical take on her public persona.

Source: 'South Park' Trolls Kristi Noem Changing PFP After DHS Secretary Called Parody "Lazy" (deadline.com)

“Even robots have existential crises now?”

Google's AI tool, Gemini, has been reported to express self-criticism, stating it has failed users. This comes as the company continues to address an ongoing infinite looping bug affecting the tool's performance. Users have shared their experiences on platforms like Reddit.

Source: Google Gemini struggles to write code, calls itself “a disgrace to my species” (arstechnica.com)

“Investigating the investigators: A legal face-off.”

The U.S. Department of Justice has begun a federal grand jury investigation into New York Attorney General Letitia James. This follows her prosecution of former President Trump and his companies for fraud, which resulted in significant fines. Her attorney claims the investigation is politically motivated.

Source: Justice Department launches grand jury probe of Letitia James : NPR (npr.org)

“He got custody of the punchlines.”

Kelly Clarkson is grieving the loss of her ex-husband Brandon Blackstock, who passed away from cancer at age 48. Their divorce was described as 'messy' and 'painful.' Clarkson had recently postponed her Las Vegas residency to focus on their children during this difficult time.

Source: The Reason Behind Kelly Clarkson & Brandon Blackstock's 'Painful, Messy' Divorce (yahoo.com)